Hideaway 3

Likewise, being a part of this course granted me the opportunity to be in contact with the lives of wise and thoughtful people in the Christian Formation and Soul Care program.  Throughout the week we spent together, they have been willing, especially in the contexts of the small groups in which we were involved, to share their insights and struggles about the ways in which they see God moving in their life, and the desires He has begun to awaken in them for His glory.  There were four of us in a predetermined group.  We joined together several times and we reflected on the very real necessity of time and intentionality that is required to make the most out of our shared relationship with God.  One of us mentioned with clear conviction that when she had a few minutes at the end of any given day, television rather than God would win her attention.  Someone else highlighted the paradox of spending time alone in God’s presence with his seemingly insurmountable academic workload.  A third insight was that it is difficult to have companionship with a God she knew was real, but whose love she was not experiencing.

Listening in this way to the depths of another human’s being is among the most humbling experiences there are.  It is not only reception, but also can include offering.  I was blessed to be in a group in which we all did what we could to articulate our place in our journeys of faith, and to be present with one another as we sought out clarification and next steps to consider.  There were definite “gray areas,” and I am grateful to Sarah for pointing that out to me years ago.  My previous, formulaic understanding of the ways in which God communicated with us and by which we responded to Him would have been less than helpful in these conversations.  Just as well, Helen’s challenge and redefinition of friendship had continued to spur me toward genuine discussion rather than a guarded, incomplete expression.

God had His sights set on my heart, and had no intention of slowing His pursuit by the time of this retreat.  The first day, the other students and I were given some time to be alone with God between the first and second lecture sessions.  I decided to go outside and walk between the trees.  As I walked, I noticed a tree stump and decided to sit down there.  We were prompted beforehand by Dr. Johnson to ask God what He thinks of us.  So I did.  He allowed me to feel His pleasure when He looks at me, like the sun that shone and the light of which light covered my skin evenly, completely.  What is more, he showed me that the two of us were like mutual lovers, who contented themselves to gaze upon their Beloved.  His smile was contagious, and I could not help but to laugh a little, but I felt that this whole notion was only delightfully absurd at best.  How should I be the one who elicits a smile from the face of God?

Then I read Zephaniah 3:17 and came to the segment about God taking great delight in me.  If I had looked over the passage before asking God His opinion of me, perhaps it would be more understandable to have envisioned the image He had just revealed to me.  The opposite had happened, and so in my new assurance I rested awhile.  That God is pleased when He looks at me, is a truth that I had for a time relegated mostly to my intellect.  That Monday, my heart opened a little more to the truth of God’s affection for me.  God and I are lovers, free to get lost in one another’s gaze.  My business is to take pleasure in Him.